I am a male and approaching 40 next year, and do not feel to dissimilar to you about the thought of a relationship. I have not had the same experiences of poor behaviour in relationships. However, just through casual observation, over hearing conversations, seeing the way people have entered and exited relationships, I do not see many people at all that make me feel positive about entering a relationship myself.

I used to obsess over finding a relationship, even finding the one, but have more recently become ok with the idea of being alone and just following my path.